[Warning: Celebrity train wreck rant ahead] The unthinkable has happened. I never conceived of a world where a pseudo-celebrity could annoy me more than KK (btw: her name will never grace my blog) but I was wrong. Maybe my annoyance meter is running a little empty because for some inexplicable reason she has voluntarily taken herself out of the spotlight since having her baby–to negotiate the best magazine deal on the photo spread that’s soon to come. Also, the craziness that is Amanda Bynes is now safely locked up somewhere getting the help that she needs. To add insult to injury, Linday Lohan is looking “normal” after her stint in rehab.
So, I started to wonder is ANYONE going to step up and break bad?
The answer came loud and clear on Sunday night at the VMAs. That honor now goes to Miley Cyrus, her raunchy and downright awkward attempt at being a sexpot, and her ubiquitous tongue. What was she thinking? Did she think she was hot? Sexy? Did anyone thinking that humping a teddy bear (and a creepy one at that) on national television may just not be a good idea. Why didn’t those brain trusts at the VMAs not watch the rehearsals and put a stop to this?
There’s enough blame to go around so let the “love” start with the former Disney darling Miley. Now I’m not advocating violence but somebody needs to hit Miley Cyrus upside the head and talk some sense into her. First and foremost, the conversation should start with something like this, “put yo tongue back in your mouth where it belongs girl. No one wants to look at the crazy things you do with that tongue of yours. That tongue belongs in some circus act not on national television.” Who you trying to be Miley? Gene Simmons?
So, if she just puts her tongue back in her mouth, will that solve her problems? No. The next part of the conversation needs to continue with “Gwen Stefani’s hair from 1998 called and she wants it back.” Girl, you need to get an original look. You can’t be playing no copycat to a style maven like Gwen (though admittedly not her best look). Did you think because it was 15 years ago we’d somehow forget?
So, that brings me to the awkwardly executed raunchy moves with a foam finger and her scrawny-ass boy body. Could someone get her Dita Von Teese’s number? Maybe she’ll do house calls since this is clearly an emergency. “Miley, you need curves and some moves that don’t involve twerking.” Didn’t you get the memo? The twerk is done. Six feet under, pushing up daisies, out to pasture and IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT! You twerked it to death. R.I.P.